Entry #7 - Ulpan 101
As I mentioned a few days ago, I’m learning Hebrew.
The Ulpan I attend comes with a serious teacher and an amazing class.
The class is about 30 students of whom 10 qualify as new immigrants.
The good news is that the new immigrants (olim hadashim) get everything for free.
The bad news is that the new immigrants are really the poorest students (sorry Israel) 
The way it works here is that folks who are formally registered as new immigrants get to take the classes for free for five months. People like me have to pay $190 per month. The classes meet five days per week and are four hours per day, 8:00am - 12:20pm with a 20 minute break at 10:00. By the third day we are finished with the script alphabet and commence with simple dialogue. Where are you from? Where do you live? Where do you study Hebrew? etc. Very little work so far on pronunciation and accent.
What is worth the price of admission is the cast of characters in the class… unbelievable! I sit next to a very handsome young guy from Bulgaria who looks like Marlon Brando, and on the other side is a young Arabic woman from Wadi Joz. Behind me is a guy from Barcelona who also speaks Arabic, Italian, and English. In all there are people from Bulgaria(1), Cyprus(1), Czechoslovakia(1), England(2), Ireland(1), Korea(1), Russia(3), Spain(1), Sweden(1), Taiwan (1), Ukraine(1), and the USA(3). The rest are Arabic-speakers from Israel or Palestine… they total about 15 in all and they are mostly charming with one exception that we’ll get to…
All ages from college to retirement are represented. The fellow from the Ukraine wears a kipa and appears to be in his sixties and never smiles. When he comes in the door, he places his hand over his heart, bows deeply to the teacher, then sits down. One can only imagine what he has been through in his life. And the guy from Cyprus is my age and an MD… he is very nice but already running things as doctors tend to do.
So it is my turn to ask the young Arabic woman, “Where do you live?” And since she looks like a super model in hijab, all the young Arabic guys are on the edges of their seats with tension… either they want to defend her honor or they want to know where she lives. Like Eminem on stage, I ask “Eyfo atah gara?”(*) … And the classroom breaks out in pandimonium!!! “AT!” “AT!” the Palestinian behind me screams as he throws up both his hands in outrage. I shout back “Ani mitztaer!!!” in my most insincere tone. And the teacher shouts “come on, we are all just learning!” Of course I can’t believe that I blew it, it just came out inverted… However, what was by far the most sweet moment came five minutes later, when the Palestinian asked his friend sitting next to him, “Eyfo at gar?” Once again the whole class exploded in laughter!
Maybe there is a God?
______________________
*”atah” is the masculine form of “you.” “at” is the feminine form of “you.” In Hebrew there are about 9 ways to say “you.” “How are you,” and “I love you,” are two very different “yous” and they are also different for each gender. Don’t get it wrong!
